We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
