That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think I am morally bankrupt
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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