I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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