O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The adults are the big ones right?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
