What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
