You took a bar mat shot.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize