I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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