i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
