She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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