Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
is it fun? or sober?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
