I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
