She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
