so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
