Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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