can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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