Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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