he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
