So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
