Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
