I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
