She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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