all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
