I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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