I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
