I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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