I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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