Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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