Moan for me like Helen Keller
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
