I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
