so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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