U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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