I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
