Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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