eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
