Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
