good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
