WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
