we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
