I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
