I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
