i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
