am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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