Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
