I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
