i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
