He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
