I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
