you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Vodka?
Forever.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
