Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
