i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
