I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
