Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
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