i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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