The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Bring me that man meat
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
