Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
