I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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