I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
