I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
