how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
