I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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