Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
