So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
