Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
