Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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