I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
