just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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