you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
