You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
