Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
