haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm both gender and math confused
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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