dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
