he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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