I must be too annoying 4 u.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
