oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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