I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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