nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
