Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
