I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
