Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
