I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
