best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
