Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
