im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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