just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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