I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
