i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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