He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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