I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
