I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
