actually, I'm a sock model
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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