Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize