We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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