I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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