Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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