It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
