Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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