Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
